Seow Leow

First world gahmen

2006-05-06T00:57:00.000+08:00

honesty is the best policy.

extracted from an article on cna titled " PM Lee says countries worldwide respect and admire Singapore's proven system"

Right now we have Low Thia Khiang, Chiam See Tong, Steve Chia. We can deal with them. Suppose you had 10, 15, 20 opposition members in Parliament. Instead of spending my time thinking what is the right policy for Singapore, I'm going to spend all my time thinking what's the right way to fix them, to buy my supporters votes, how can I solve this week's problem and forget about next year's challenges?

the speech was recorded on state of the art video equipment, not ~~sneakily~~ caught on some cheapo grainy cctv.

its time the bushes, the blairs, the merkels learn something from the son of the great leader!

Elastic dental floss anyone?

2006-03-10T20:39:00.000+08:00

while waiting for my bus yesterday, i saw a lau beng flossing away at the bus stop.

on closer look, i noticed that his "dental floss" was unlike the ones i have came across.

firstly, it was red in colour and when lau beng stopped temporarily to answer his mobile, i noticed that it was not stiff like the usual dental floss. lau beng's dental floss was kind of rubbery!

omg! he was using a rubber band to floss his teeth!

how's that for innovation?

Give the man a Singha!

2006-02-26T00:05:00.000+08:00

gutsy move by thaksin to dissolve parliament and call for snap elections.

no need for a ~~election~~ budget or "waiting till the ground is sweet" as is the case for sillypore.
no need for declaring a state of emergency as is the case for philippines.

thaksin's message to the opposition parties: STFU!

give the man a singha!

Official reply to "all going through motion"

2006-02-25T13:46:00.000+08:00

reply in the sillytimes to my earlier post from the police and armed forces team.

Feb 25, 2006
SAF, Police are geared to deal with explosives
WE REFER to Mr Neo Poh Goon's letter 'Bomb squad slow to respond to threat' (ST, Feb 20).

We would like to assure him that the Singapore Armed Forces and the Police treat all cases of explosives and ordnance seriously and we work closely to deal with them.

When the Police receive a call on suspected explosive devices, our officers will be dispatched immediately to the site to ensure public safety by throwing a cordon around the object and order an evacuation, if necessary.

The officers will inform SAF's Explosives and Ordnance Disposal unit to dispose of the item after identifying the object.

There are different levels of responses in such cases depending on the risk level.

In this case, if the threat to public safety was high, the team would have been activated immediately. But the object was a World War II three-inch round which did not contain any high explosives.

The SAF's teams are well-organised to react to contingencies. Such an approach is necessary at a time when there is a heightened threat of terrorist attacks.

We want to assure the public that both the SAF and Police are well-prepared and committed to ensuring their safety at all times.

Col Benedict Lim
Director, Public Affairs
Ministry of Defence

Audrey Ang
Assistant Director, Media Relations
Singapore Police Force

perhaps dick and audrey would enlighten me on the following:

original article ("OA") stated "a corporal from the queenstown police station arrived on the scene. it was more than 45 minutes later, at 5.18pm that an officer from police explosives team ("PET") confirmed it was a bomb" VS joint statement ("JS") which stated "our officers will be dispatched immediately to the site to ensure public safety by throwing a cordon around the object and order an evacuation, if necessary". what good would it serve to send a corporal who was not trained to handle explosives to the scene in the first place? why couldn't the officer(s) from the police explosives team be dispatched immediately to the scene? it is unlikely the police receive many reports of objects that resembles bombs that would keep PET so busy that they need to send a normal non-explosive trained policeman to the scene to "confirm" it. besides, it does not take 45 minutes to travel from the eastern most point of sillypore to the western most point of sillypore (especially in brand new subarus wrx or slightly older bmws 3-series with sirens blaring away).

OA "at about 8pm, a unit from the explosives ordnance department arrived" VS JS "officers will inform saf's explosives and ordnance disposal ("EOD") unit to dispose of the item after identifying the object". since the object was positively identified by the PET officer as a bomb at 5.18pm, why did it take the EOD 2hrs 42mins to arrive at the scene? granted a lone 2LT from the EOD arrived at the scene 15mins before the main body, but he was ~~doing f-call~~ "unable to remove or dispose of the bomb".

JS "if the threat to public safety was high, the team would have been activated immediately". does this mean that the lives of a construction supervisor and the tens/hundreds/thousands of foreign workers on the worksite is low priority?

JS "the saf's teams are well-organised to react to contingencies. such an approach is necessary at a time when there is a heightened threat of terrorist attacks". since there are "well-organised teams" (read: plural, i.e. more than one), why did it take 2hrs 42mins for one of the teams to reach the scene? were there many "terrorist attacks" or unexploded bombs reported between 5.18pm and 8pm on the said day?

the JS does not seem to answer mr neo's questions, which were:

why did it take them nearly three hours to arrive after the bomb was confirmed at 5.18pm?

what if the bomb had exploded in those three hours?

mr neo was not interested in the sops that were in place, he wanted to know WHY the police and armed forces took so ~~f-king~~ bloody long to arrive at the scene! WHY?! perhaps the traffic was heavy on the ecp. need to put up more gantries than.

Oops... all going through motion. Wayang exposed!

2006-02-22T13:28:00.000+08:00

in an article by a construction senior security supervisor to the sillytimes on 20 february 2006 as follows:

Feb 20, 2006
Bomb squad slow to respond to threat
SINCE the beginning of the year, the Government has organised various mock terror attacks to gauge and improve Singapore's readiness to cope with such catastrophes.

However, as a senior security supervisor on a worksite in the western part of Singapore, my experience when a bomb was discovered on our worksite makes me wonder if we are ready to face the threat of terrorism.

Last Thursday, at about 4.30pm, a bomb (probably a World War II relic) was discovered on our worksite. The police were notified five minutes later and a corporal from Queenstown Police Station arrived on the scene. It was more than 45 minutes later, at 5.18pm, that an officer from police explosives team confirmed it was a bomb. By then, the area had been cordoned off.

At 6.25pm, a police assistant superintendent, who was the investigating officer, arrived but there was still no sign of the bomb disposal unit. At 7.45pm, a lone second lieutenant from the unit arrived but was unable to remove or dispose of the bomb.

Finally, at about 8pm, a unit from the explosives ordnance department arrived. At 8.18pm, a search dog was brought to locate other possible bombs. Only at 9pm was the bomb safely removed from the scene.

I am disappointed by the slow response time of the bomb disposal unit. Why did it take them nearly three hours to arrive after the bomb was confirmed at 5.18pm? What if the bomb had exploded in those three hours?

I understand the bomb disposal unit needs to follow certain standard operating procedures but does it really need to take three hours?

It is fortunate the bomb was found at the edge of the worksite. Had it been on the worksite itself, it would not only have posed a greater risk to workers but also have resulted in considerable economic loss because of the time the bomb disposal unit took to arrive.

If we are so slow to act on a single bomb threat, how can we cope with a terror attack on even the smallest scale?

I hope this is an isolated incident that does not reflect on the overall operational readiness of the bomb disposal unit.

Neo Poh Goon

key timing in the whole incident
4:30pm - bomb discovered
4:35pm - police notified
between 4:35pm and 5:18pm - police arrived on the scene
5:18pm - an officer from police explosive team confirmed it was a bomb
6:25pm - a higher ranked police officer arrived
7:45pm - an officer from the sillypore armed forces arrived but was unable to do anything
8:00pm - bomb disposal unit arrived
8:18pm - a search dog arrived
9:00pm - bomb was finally removed

took the police and the armed forces team 4½ hours from the time the bomb was discovered till the time it was safely removed. ok 4hrs 25mins since mr neo only notified the police at 4:35pm.

these people can only perform during drills/mock exercises. when it comes to the real deal ~~their balls shrink~~ its a whole new ball game. makes me wonder why sillypore spends so much on ~~wayang~~ defence. in a real war, the soldiers are not longer shooting at a figure 11. the enemies are going to shoot back with real rounds! how many people in mindeaf have been shot at with a live round before? ZERO, ZILCH, KOSONG!

question: how many people does it take to dispose off a bomb?
answer: THREE police officers, ONE armed forces officer, a unit of men (probably SEVEN men) from the bomb disposal unit and ONE search dog.

let's see what col bend-a-dick lim has to say about this.

over to you, DICK!

p.s. if it was a real terrorist attack and the terrorist planted a REAL time bomb, would the timer even allow for 4½hr detonation time?

Sacrificial lamb

2006-01-27T09:56:00.000+08:00

i have a friend who works as a trader in a local broking house.

sometime late 2005, a local individual (perhaps acting as a proxy for a ~~filthy~~ mega-rich foreigner) wanted to acquire the shares of a foreign listed entity and approached the broking house to explore the possibility. the broking house granted a credit line of FIVE times the security placed and the individual gleefully accepted the line by placing a SEVEN figure deposit with them.

such a large credit line seem excessive to me (but then again i am a "bean counter" by training and our kind are taught to be prudent) and i am certain many levels of approval by higher management were sought before it was granted. head of trading? head of credit risk management?

with the credit line in place, the trade was executed. i am unaware of whether the share price jumped significantly because of that trade. however i very much doubt there was a significant jump because on settlement day, the individual (who most likely was playing contra) could not settle. this caused ~~wide-spread~~ panic and the broking house initiated a force sale for ALL the unsettled shares. this in turn caused the share price to plunge in excess of 50% within a week which in turn cause the exchange to suspend the counter pending investigations.

fast forward to january 2006. the share is still suspended and so is my friend. he is now on paid leave pending the broking house's internal investigation. his superior, the head of trading and whoever head that approved the credit line still report to work everyday and probably still extending overly generous credit lines.

i wonder why my friend, the guy who's job is merely to enter the trade is suspended while the people who APPROVED the credit line are still enjoying the high life. was he made the sacrificial lamb to appease the higher gods?

btw the broking house is staring at a very likely loss of FOUR times the SEVEN figure security placed. heads should roll but i very much doubt the correct ones will.

Election goodies

2006-01-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

election goodies announced by the gahmen yesterday (19 January 2006). extract from the said report:

the silly times newspaper reported that the government was considering a one-off cash reward of between s$100 to s$200 for each of the 700,000 sillyporean men who are doing or have done their military service.

gosh! what a "generous" reward for 2-2½ years of national ~~slavery~~ service and 10 years of ~~reservist~~ ict.

i am certain all nsf/nsmen will be "extremely excited" by the "generosity". in fact, i will be so "delighted" with the "reward" that i would donate it to the people who could bring about an open society aka opposition parties. actually i have a better suggestion, ~~shove the "reward" up your ass~~ i will double the "reward" the gahmen (which gahmen investment arm will eventually lose through questionable investment decisions) will be handing out if saf does not call me back for ict and ippt.

other goodies announced recently include:

one-off bonus of s$1 billion to low-wage workers; and
over s$2 billion to upgrade heavily "subsidised" pigeon holes in pappy wards.

question: does sillypore reserve belong to the peasants of sillypore regardless of who the gahmen is OR does it belong solely to the pappy and for them to use at their discretion?

Mr Wang's take on NS-defaulting pianist

2005-11-28T16:29:00.000+08:00

interesting comment from Mr Wang.

However, our silly Singapore constitution forbids male Singapore from renouncing their citizenship until they turn 21. Effectively this imposes the NS obligation on all of them, since enlistment is at age 18. Furthermore, Article 128 of the Singapore Constitution says that the government can disallow you from renouncing your citizenship unless you've finished your NS.

In other words, if you happen to born a male Singapore, the laws effectively impose an NS obligation even if you had left Singapore at the age of 1 month and your parents had never brought you back and you never have seen Singapore and you never want to live here and you don't have a single relative in this country. And if you do not then fulfill your NS obligation, then like Melvin you become a criminal by default.

gahmen not stupid huh?

Dead man tells no tale

2005-11-25T14:31:00.000+08:00

interesting article on the australian.

dead man tells no tale.

hang the man to prevent him from squealing.

Affordable healthcare cost? You got to be kidding!

2005-11-10T13:45:00.000+08:00

contrasting cost of healthcare in sillypore and down-under. wtf am i still doing in sillypore?

as the saying on the street goes, "you can afford to die but cannot afford to fall sick in sillypore".

Keeping up with the Lims

2005-11-02T09:28:00.000+08:00

additional comments on my f'ked mate. who just got more f'ked because of rising housing loan interest rates.

with sillypore's largest bank rising housing loan interest rate to 4.25% and in all likelihood the other sillypore banks to follow suit, my mate's 400k condo loan based on 4.25%/pa interest on a 25 years tenure will balloon to sgd2,166.95 (all in sgd), a monthly increase of 164.46. total interest payable over 25 years is a mind boggling 250,085.72!

that's the price you have to pay for keeping up appearances mate.

btw for those with,

spare cash to burn; and/or
want to keep up with the lims/tans/etc.

do check out the plunging golf clubs membership prices (as at 1995/2000/october 2005)!

changi - 38k/18.5k/6.4k
island - 180k/150k/135k
jurong - 115k/80k/36k
keppel - 68.5k/38k/23.5k
laguna - 159k/84k/37k (paper loss of 122k! wow!!)
orchid - 107k/84k/34k
raffles - 80k/45k/34k
seletar - 97k/55k/37k
sentosa - 164k/120k/118k
tanah merah - 178k/135k/88k
warren - 61k/52k/27k

wonder how the golf club memberships in johore and batam are holding up.

My Slimy Organisation

2005-10-28T16:58:00.000+08:00

blain and belly are two brothers (collectively known as "BB") who ~~park their big fat ass~~work in my office. they also happen to be my bosses.

blain, who considers himself the brain of the organisation, is elder of the BB. he has a big ego and cannot take any form of criticism/negative comments. he modus operandi is to belittle employees as a form of "training to soften them up so that it would be easier to impart ~~crap~~knowledge on them later".

recent x-ray of blain's head

source: www.comedy-zone.net

belly, is the so-called "marketing mouthpiece" of the organisation. very cocky bloke with a serious punctuality problem. has the physique of homer j simpson, result of taking too much mutton curry and chapati.

belly's waistline
source: www.comedy-zone.net

BB are in the business of providing professional services and inherited the business from their late father. the organisation has a total of 17 characters.

the other interesting characters in organisation are:

midgetpon aka mrs blain aka stealth because she no problem "flying under the radar" [translation: short]
macaw aka jlo because she is the mouthpiece of BB and also because of her legendary butt
barney NOT because she is purple and cute but because is as round as the character

breakdown of the 17 office characters:

female 13/male 4
foreign talent ("FT") 9/sillyporean 8

further breakdown of FT:

china 1
india 2
indonesia 1
malaysia 1
myanmar 1
philippines 2
thailand 1

this unique organisation has a unique interview question for married female candidates ("FC").

blain: do you intend to have another child this year?
FC: huh?
blain: we want to know whether you plan to have another child within the next 12 months.
FC: no plans.
blain: ok. you are hired.

reason for this unique question and how the slimy organisation wiggle their way out of their statutory obligations as follow:

pregnant female employee ("PFE"): boss, i am pregnant.
blain: but you told me you have no plans to have another child within the year?!
PFE: accident.
blain: then how?!
PFE: dunno.
blain: we are an understanding organisation. why don't we mutually agree that there will be no maternity benefits and you come back to work after your unpaid maternity leave? [translation: either you go on no pay leave or we terminate you]
PFE: ok.

for the record, the above is an actual event. the PFE, who is a FT, went back to her home country for 3 months and is now back with the slimy organisation. her reason for accepting the compromise is fear of losing the job and difficult in finding a new job if she was terminated.

the perils of working for a slimy organisation.

Feel good statistics debunked

2005-10-28T08:49:00.000+08:00

extracts from an article by siew kum hong ("skh") in 28 october 2005 edition of today.

sillypore's department of statistics ("dos") released a paper on home ownership and equity of hdb households (aka peasants housing) in october 2005.

the impressive dos paper shows that the lowest 20% by income of households in peasants housing have an average home equity of sgd138k.

the flaws in the dos paper, as highlighted by skh, were:

home equity is not an appropriate indicator of wealth in sillypore as there were limited alternatives to home ownership.
peasants can rent but it is not a perfect alternative in sillypore as cpf funds can only be used to buy homes but cannot be used to pay rental.
the full sgd138k is unlikely to be realised as free cash given costs such as stamp duties and ~~liar~~legal fees. cpf funds used to buy the flat has to be repaid into the peasants cpf account with interest forgone.
discrepancies in the average annual income for the lowest 20% of peasants between two reports prepared by dos.

my comments in the order of the above:

the benchmark is flawed so the rest of the expensively complied report is useless.
cost of property in sillypore is artificially inflated. peasants are only allowed to use their own money stuck in their cpf account for housing and ~~punting~~investing in shares listed on sgx/managed funds/gold or leave it there to collect 2.5% interest p.a. for peasants who are not ~~punters~~investors, the only choice is to buy property. that drives property prices to dizzy levels. remove the restrictions on cpf funds usage and property prices will come down to a realistic level. does anyone have the balls to face the disgruntled property owners who's property value plunge overnight?
funds in cpf account is NOT cold hard cash. if the lowest 20% income peasants have sgd138k in cold hard cash, they will move to neighbouring countries and live comfortably for the rest of their life. btw where are the lowest 20% income peasants going to stay when they sell their subsidised peasants housing? ~~tents in east coast/changi?~~void decks? park benches?
annual income for lowest 20% income peasants based on dos paper was sgd14.1k. annual income for lowest 20% income peasants based on 2003 household expenditure survey was sgd9.54k. discrepancy is a whooping 47.8%! both the report and survey were complied by dos but perhaps by different departments in dos. classic case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing.

btw front page of 28 october 2005 edition of today reads "no worker left behind". ~~erection~~election coming?

Broke accountant

2005-10-25T09:43:00.000+08:00

i have a friend who works in big4 accounting firm keep playing more golf.

monthly income (all in sgd) as follows:

friend (after cpf) = 6,000 (5,000)
friend's wife (after cpf) = 3,000 (2,400)
total combined income = 9,000 (7,400)

monthly expenses as follows:

childcare/infantcare for 2 kids (after gahmen grant) = 2,400 (montessori?)
maid salary and levy = 500
car loan/maintenance/parking/petrol etc = 1,500
makan for adults (40/day) = 1,200
expenses for kids (milk powder/meals/diaper) (15/day) = 450
utilities/telephone/mobile/internet/cable tv etc = 500
condo maintenance = 300
condo loan shortfall paid by cash = 250 (see note 1)
miscellaneous (outings/toys/insurance etc) = 300
total expenses = 7,400

note 1: condo loan approximately 400k. monthly installment based on 3.5%/pa interest for 25 years tenure = 2,002.49/month.

total monthly take-home pay = total expenses, therefore, savings = 0 (ZERO)!

btw he bought the condo for approximately 500k, current selling price approximately 420k. paper loss 80k.

you're f'ed mate!

Malaysia Boleh!

2005-10-21T09:01:00.000+08:00

an interesting blog entry by malaysian blogger, abettermalaysia, on what to expect when you go clubbing in malaysia.

link to blog: drug bust jails 22 innocents.

you have been warned!

No more RT if you exercise regularly... REALLY?

2005-10-19T10:14:00.000+08:00

i refer to the letter by col bend-a-dick lim ("cbl") published on today (dated 19 october 2005) and cross-posted here (with additional commentaries from the peasants).

cbl seem to have missed the points raised in the original letter. perhaps cbl is a bo-bo shooter, always missing the point. anyway i think cbl should be commended for his effort. afterall, he did not chose to be assigned to a desk-bound vocation (cbl what's your pes status? got keng downgrade bo?) and having to answer stupid questions raised by the peasants. ~~takes up too much of his time digging through mindeaf directives when he could be out improving his handicap on the greens.~~

for cbl's benefits, let me re-emphasise the points raised in the original letter.

my employer's position on early release from work is either to make up for the shortfall in working hours on days that i do not have to do rt, or to offset the shortfall against my accumulated overtime... given that rt is considered a part of national service, my employer seemed to be penalising me for attending it.
as my employer did not want to go through the hassle of submitting mup claims, they called mec to ask if weekday rt could be changed to weekend rt instead... i am now caught in a no-win situation: put in the additional hours at work and forgo the accumulated overtime hours, or attend two consecutive days of rt during weekends.
given that i only have two days in a week to spend quality time with my family, my employer's stand is not in sync with the gahmen's policy of being pro-family oriented.

the points raised in the original letter seem to be as follow:

why is employer penalising employee for attending national service? did employee volunteer for national service? if not, what can mindeaf do to ensure that employees are not prejudiced/blackmarked for attending national service?
employer is too slack to submit mup claims on behalf of employee so they are taking the easy way out by asking employee to attend national service on non-working days. 11 weekday training translates into 11 mup claims to be submitted for ONE employee. could mindeaf do something to simplify the claim process? could mindeaf also confirm that the employee would be entitled to mup claim even though the claim is less than the four hours minimum stipulated by mindef?
gahmen has already stated its pro-family policy and moving towards a 5-day work week, typically mondays to fridays. how would the pro-family policy work if one is not allowed to spend quality time with the family on weekends given the fact that a typical peasant works mondays to fridays? so why are trainings still scheduled for saturdays and sundays?

now back to cbl's reply regarding "nsmen putting some effort into building up their physical fitness, it would help them avoid having to report for rt". for your information, there are people who has never passed ippt since bmt. what makes you so sure that putting in some effort on their own would make them pass ippt and therefore avoid rt?

just in case cbl does not know how the real world works, a typical peasant's work in the real world is never done at the official knock off time. it is not uncommon for a peasant to tapau work and crunch the numbers on his home pc or re-do the sales proposal/presenatation for tomorrow's meeting. unlike you, a peasant's work day does not end when he sent arms.

where does the peasant find the "free time" to "put some effort into building up their physical fitness", when he has work his ass off to to service his housing/car loan, pay utilities, pay for diaper/milk power/enrichment programs for the kids, save for kids tertiary education, save for old age/retirement/medical expenses? unlike your employer, the real world employer does not give the peasants a few hours a week to attend pt lessons to "build up their physical fitness".

employees in the real world are mere pawns and their sole reason for being there is to increase the bottom line of their masters. their masters do not owe them a living. from employers' perspective, what is the incentive for employing a sillyporean or a sillypore pr? employers would be better off getting a foreign talent who does not have to disrupt his work for national service.

perhaps for cbl's next wits project, he could suggest that foreign talent be drafted into the armed forces. those foreign talent who pass ippt would be allowed to stay on and thereby increasing the headcount of the armed forces. with the increased headcount, cbl can then suggest that those peasants that fail ippt can be discharged ie ROD loh. that will solve the problem of having to send peasants for rt and leave the peasants more time to do real world things and perhaps some quality time with their family.

American (joints) invade Bali

2005-10-18T23:25:00.000+08:00

bubba gump shrimp co

hard rock hotel

mcdonalds

"Financial advisers" my arse!

2005-09-26T22:38:00.000+08:00

recently my spouse and i went to a foreign bank with the intention to place some funds in time deposit ("TD") as the published interest rate seem attractive to us.

the relationship manager aka financial adviser ("FA") serving us recommended a "promotional" TD which yield an even more attractive interest rate of 0.5% above the published rate! but of course there is no free lunch. the catch was we had to match whatever we placed in this "promotional" TD with an equal amount in unit trusts.

the FA's next recommendation was a newly launched bond fund managed by a foreign fund house. the "advantages" of this bond fund were,

it invested in 7 different regions/classes of bonds;
guaranteed dividend of 4% p.a.; and
when dividend is declared, the bond fund price does not fall.

we were ~~shoved~~shown the fund prospectus. closer inspection of the given literature with alot of fine print, i noticed that the dividend was NOT guaranteed! it was stated in the prospectus or something to the effect of "the fund manager will try to pay out dividend of 4% p.a., however should the underlying fund fail to yield 4%, then it is at the discretion of the trustee to make the final call of whether the dividend of 4% can be distributed". where the f does it mention that the 4% dividend is guaranteed?!

given the current hikes in interest rate, bonds/bond funds won't appear on my investment radar. ask any 1st year finance student and they will tell you bond prices and interest rates move inversely i.e. bond prices fall when interest rates rise. so why the f did the FA recommend a bond fund at this juncture?

to top it all off, the FA did not even do a review of our financial appetite/profile before recommending the product. thats a clear breach of gahmen regulation. anyone knows the complaint hotline number? is it 1800-you-suxs?

btw did i mention there is an upfront sales charge of 4% for the recommended fund?

imo these so-called FAs are nothing more than salesperson out to make a quick buck. they are worst than lawyers/used car salesmen because they ~~hide~~work in established financial institutions and prey on ignorant peasants, especially old folks with huge balances in their savings account.

the current requirement to get a FA license is to pass 3 multiple choice questions exams. seems vastly underweight given the burden of managing e.g. someone's retirement funds.

question: would you trust a lawyer to ~~screw~~perform a colonoscopy of you? or put an accountant in charge of your multi-million advertisement campaign to launch the coolest mp3 player? if not, why would you put someone who isnt finance/financial planning/wealth management/chfc/cfp in-charge of your financial well being?

it is about time the gahmen raise the bar and make it mandatory for the FAs to be adequately trained in the appropriate field before they are "released" to the heartland to ~~con~~advice ignorant peasants on saving for their future. whose future are we talking about?

meanwhile, the ignorant peasants would be better off placing their spare funds in cpf special account which currently earn a guaranteed return of 4% or perhaps buy the sillypore gahmen securities which currently yield over 3% and does not attract absurd upfront sales charge.

which bank? hint: insomnia.

disclaimer (aka FINE PRINT): any advice or recommendation in the blog has been made on a general basis without taking into account or considering the investment objective, financial situation or particular need of any user or reader, any specific person or group of persons. any reliance on such advice or recommendation is entirely at your own risk in all cases, you should always seek the advice of professional advisers regarding the evaluation of any product, unit trust or other financial instrument, report, index, advice opinion or any other content.

ps FA = fking arsehole?

Do as I say, not as I do

2005-09-12T18:01:00.000+08:00

i couldn't agree more with the article that appeared in the sillytimes.

i have a friend who used to work in the uniform service. let's call him paul edgecomb ("pe").

pe had an impeccable record while he was there. then one day, pe went crazy and went awol. pe went awol for about a year. he spend the year in a neighbouring country enjoying the padi fields. then when his funds ran out, pe surrendered himself.

because of pe's impeccable record, he was not officially charged. lucky ~~b@stard~~ guy got a dishonourable discharge from the service. that happened about six months ago. till now he is still trying to secure a permanent job.

if the public and employers are asked to support ex-convicts, shouldn't pe be given a second chance by the very agency(ies) that started this campaign? or is this just another do as i say, not as i do humbug?

Arranging Bread?

2005-09-09T13:55:00.000+08:00

while out for lunch today, i overhead a conversation between an ah huay in power~~puff~~ suit and her colleagues about her superior.

ah huay: he hor should go for management courses... blah blah
friend: why leh?
ah huay: tell me every time he call must attend to him first. he pailoti
friends: hahaha...

pailoti = priority. pailoti sounds like arranging bread in hokkien to me.

speak singlish, its our way of life.

Partners in Crime?

2005-08-31T13:39:00.000+08:00

congratulations to CT on being awarded the patent.

given the ~~crappy~~stand taken by IPOS ie it is illegal to rip songs from your CD and and place them on your mp3 player, does it make CT an accomplice to the infringement of the copyright act?

further discussion on the ~~anal~~position taken by IPOS can be found here.

demonstration at cpf building

2005-08-13T11:30:00.000+08:00

true to american military doctrine, which has been adopted by the sillypore police force, overwhelming ratio of FOUR armed-to-the-teeth riot police personnel to ONE unarmed "protester" were send to disperse the demonstrating crowd.

makes me wonder why usually only two lightly armed policemen on bicycles from the neighbourhood police post are send when someone complain that the hungry ghost festival auction has exceeded its stipulated time (11pm?). based on the 4:1 ratio and my estimate of an auctioneer, five stage helpers and three fixers planted in the crowd to bid up the price of items on auction, a minimum of THIRY SIX police personnel should be deployed everytime a complain of this nature is made.

on the same token, given an estimated crowd of at least 500 people at an general election rally (with foreign experts predict will be held by end of the year), shouldn't at least 2000 police personnel be deployed? there is a higher possibility of demonstration/riot at these rallies than FOUR unarmed placard holding protesters who turned up at the cpf building asking for transparency on 11 august 2005.

incidentally, i think sillypore's so-called journalists should have their eyes checked. How did they come up with SIX protesters when foreign news syndicates such as reuters and ap only reported FOUR. given that its the hungry ghost festival and that it was lunch time, my guess is the two additional protesters were either from the netherworld or two MIWs from MAS out for lunch.

TTD for President?

2005-07-15T11:21:00.000+08:00

Now that the gold plated tap fiasco has been settled, it is time to move on, time for TTD to move upstairs. What higher office is there in Sillypore than that of President!

He meets the strict criteria set for presidential candidacy:

at least 45 years old; and
3 years experience as Chairman/CEO of a statutory board or company with capital of at least S$100m.

In addition, he is used to the perks accorded by the Board. First class air-travel on business class fares, fleet of cars with chauffeurs, etc.

What are you waiting for ex-Patron and ex-Board members? Nominate TTD now!

ps I could do with an extra public holiday this year to choose the next President.

Cabbies... Goodie or Baddie?

2005-06-12T23:31:00.000+08:00

While it is heartening to hear of nice cabbies they are the exception rather than the norm. For the past two years, I take cab at least once a day and here's what I observed.

Somehow, they all seem to have the knack of ~~disappearing~~ taking "breaks" between 10:30pm and 11.59pm. The clock strikes 12, the cabs come out, hickory dickory ~~dog~~dock. BTW there seem to be a lot of cabbies taking "breaks" at Millennia/Centennial Tower. Is there a good kopitiam there? I'm sure the long queue of shoppers at Suntec City taxi stands won't mind buying the "resting" cabbies a kopi kar tai if they swung by, ~~afterall its cheaper than the midnight surcharge~~. BTW does anyone know another good place for cabbies to ~~"hide"~~ have their break during that time?

They also like "having dinner" at Church Street around OCBC Centre South during evening peak hours. But when someone around Raffles Place/Shenton Way calls for a cab, they'll "abandon" their "dinner" and pick up the passenger within five minutes of booking. Total extras for "adandoning dinner" is $3-3.20 booking fee, $1 peak hour surcharge and $1 CBD surcharge. Board the cab and you're hit with a fare of $7.40-7.60 even before you travel one millimetre! That's what I call entrepreneurship!

Biometric passport

2005-06-10T22:18:00.000+08:00

Here's a preview of the new biometric passport to be issued from October 2005.

Here's what the gahmen had to say:

The passport will make use of an inventory control number as the passport number, instead of the current approach of using the holder's NRIC number. This unique inventory number will make it easier to share information on lost and stolen Sillypore passports as part of the global effort to curb passport abuse.

I'm sure this was printed somewhere in fine print...

Identity theft concerns about biometrics use have not been resolved. If a person's credit card number is stolen, for example, it can cause them great difficulty. If their iris scan is stolen, though, and it allows someone else to access personal information or financial accounts, the damage could be irreversible. Often, biometric technologies have been rolled out without adequate safeguards for personal information gathered about individuals.
Though biometrics often are touted as a way to restrict criminality, privacy advocates fear biometrics may be used to diminish personal liberties of law abiding citizens as well.

Developments in digital video, infrared, x-ray, wireless, global positioning satellite systems, biometrics, image scanning, voice recognition, DNA, and brain wave fingerprinting provide government with new ways to "search" individuals and collect vast databases of information on law-abiding members of the public.

Oh well, I'm sure the gahmen knows best. Who are we to argue with the best brains money can buy.

Further further information on biometrics, check out click here.

Photo credit: Original photo by 忍. Sillypore crest by talkingcock.

One down, two to go... Stay tuned

2005-06-09T10:08:00.000+08:00

Finally CAO's restructuring is done and the suspended CEO and his cronies were offered as sacrificial lambs to appease the company's shareholders.

Besides being offered expensive cuts of lamb chops, what's in it for the shareholders? Shouldn't some form of compensation be awarded to the shareholders? What's the purpose of paying hundreds of thousands (or even millions) in fees for a audit report that is not worth the paper it was printed on. Irregardless of whether an auditor is a watchdog or a bloodhound, if I pay so much for dog, I'll expect it to climb trees!

The hot-blooded young and earnest auditors have deep pockets, ~~supplemented by professional indemnity insurance~~. They will have no problems making good the fall in share price ~~especially if you they are not made to admit liability~~.

BTW did anyone caught the company's financial advisors and lawyers gleaming ear to ear on CNA last night? Must be thinking to themselves.. should I place an order for the 7 series or Maybach?

Truth about accounting

2005-06-08T23:01:00.000+08:00

Here's something I found on icered. Just had to stick it here.

Accounting allows you to make informed business decisions, but that assumes that you have good information. Unfortunately, the information created under the standards is not of much use to anyone. As for audits, in theory they validate the useless information.

Keep it quiet or we will all be out of a job.

Brilliant! Fking brilliant!!

Auditors fault? Questionable

2005-06-08T18:13:00.000+08:00

The recent spate of accounting irregularities should come as no surprise to anyone who's worked in major accounting firms before. IMO it was a time bomb waiting to explode.

Its not uncommon for auditors of these firms to work till 3am in the morning during peak period and back in clients' place at 9am the very same day. In the semi-comatose (or comatose) state, these poor souls are expected to check on the clients' accounting records. This goes on for 1-2 months at a stretch, 6-7 days a week, twice a year. To make things worst, the auditors are typically not allowed to charge in full for the time they spend on the job. Usually they are forced to "eat time" so that the partners would not have to "write off" so much. The amount of time the auditors put in is a component to determine their year end bonus. Disillusioned with their miserable pay and the hours they had to endure, most of them probably go through motion to get it over and done with. Would you as a potential investor rely on their work to make a decision on whether to invest in these companies?

Before we start shooting the auditors ~~and hanging them by their balls (if they have any)~~. I feel that management should bear part of the blame. Fair enough, no one wants to pay more for a service that they could get cheaper elsewhere. The practice of undercutting fees to retain/get a client has been the norm for ages and clients have gotten used to paying peanuts ~~and getting monkeys for that matter~~. But at the end of the day, you get what you paid for. You can't expect 100% commitment when you pay 50% fees.

Going forward I feel that audit firms should charge clients full fee for time actually incurred on the job. If management is not agreeable to it, then both parties should refer it to an independent body, perhaps Accounting and Corporate Regulatory Authority Singapore for taxation. That would allow the audit firms to put additional (awake) staff on the job. Shareholders/potential investors interest would be better taken.

As for "punishment" for errant audit partners, if guilty of negligence, they should get their audit license suspended and perhaps revoked for repeat offender. They should also be made to make good the losses suffered by the shareholders. But that shouldn't be a problem with the professional liability insurance in place. The bigger pain would be from the license suspension/revocation.

Bloody rude telemarketer

2005-06-08T15:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my "lucky" day.

Got a call from a telemarketer who informed me that I was "one of the 30 lucky people who won a consolation prize of ...". The telemarketing company apparently got my mobile number from a contest I participated in last year. However, they were unable to tell me which contest it was. Strange.

Told them I was busy and not interested in going down to their office to pick up the consolation prize. Immediately I heard a "SLAM".

WTF?! The least he could do was say ok and hang up. So much for the "success" of the courtesy campaign. If I had the name of his telemarketing company, I would have written a nasty letter and got the kid's stinking ass kicked out before he could even say "ouch"!

Anyone interested in teaching this kid with no manners a lesson, please call (65) 6735 1909.

endure 忍 tahan

2005-06-07T13:49:00.000+08:00

this is a test post to help my buddy post the word 忍!